Avast, me hearties...

In the interest of observing Talk Like a Pirate Day, I thought I'd offer some examples of how real pirates speak...

Walden W. O'Dell, then CEO of Diebold, Inc.: "I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year." (O'Dell resigned last December after Diebold was hit with a pair of class-action lawsuits charging insider trading and misrepresentation, and a county in Florida concluded that Diebold's voting machines could be hacked.)

National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley: "I'm saying that nobody knows what humiliating treatment is. What does it mean?"

House Armed Services Committee chairman Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-California: "Since violation of Common Article 3 is a felony under this act, it is necessary to amend U.S. law to provide clarity and certainty to the interpretation of this statute." (The "act" to which Hunter refers is the 1996 War Crimes Act, which was co-sponsored by... Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-California.)

Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq 1979-2003: "Don't provoke a snake unless you have the intention and power to cut off its head."

George W Bush, President of the United States: "The Patriot Act has increased the flow of information within our government and it has helped break up terrorist cells in the United States of America. And the United States Congress was right to renew the terrorist act -- the Patriot Act."

Rep. William Jefferson, D-Louisiana: "I wish to say emphatically that in all of my actions that are here under scrutiny, that I have never intended to dishonor my office, or you, the public, and I certainly did not sell my office."

Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio: "It is outrageous to know that security procedures are apparently so lax at the Department of Veterans Affairs that a single bureaucrat had the ability to put the personal information of over 26 million Veterans at risk for sale to the highest criminal bidder." (Ney has agreed to plead guilty to Federal corruption charges, but not to leave Congress.)

Rep. Katherine Harris, R-Florida: "If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin." (As Florida Secretary of State, Harris oversaw vote recounting in the 2000 presidential election.)

Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of War: "It seems that in some quarters there's more of a focus on dividing our country than acting with unity against the gathering threats."

Dick Cheney, former CEO, Halliburton: "The president will not relent in tracking the enemies of the United States with every legitimate tool in his command."

Sen. Joe Lieberman, formerly D-Connecticut: "I also know that there have been many times in our history when the proximity of an election has induced exactly the kind of leadership and consensus-building that produce progress in our democracy."

Former Rep. Tom Delay, R-Texas: "I am the federal government."

Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pennsylvania: "We're at war with Islamic fascism, and Afghanistan and Iraq and Southern Lebanon and every country around the world is a front."

Prime Minister Tony Blair: "Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war."

Sen. George Allen, R-Virginia: "Lets give a welcome to Macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia."

George W Bush: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."